83 Of the Best Letterkenny Quotes – Pitter Patter!

The Letterkenny crew sitting around a kitchen table making funny quotes and sayings. Wayne has his dog in his lap.

How’re Ya Now? 

Welcome to the whimsical and lighthearted world of Letterkenny, where quick-witted banter, razor-sharp comebacks, and inappropriate humor reign supreme. This cult-classic Canadian sitcom has captured the hearts and funny bones of viewers around the globe, earning a dedicated following for its distinctive style and memorable characters. However, at the core of Letterkenny lies a treasure trove of unforgettable quotes, showcasing the essence of the show’s foul-mouthed charm. Here’s our list of the best Letterkenny quotes.

We watched and re-watched all the seasons of Letterkenny and have compiled the ultimate list of the best quotes and sayings. From the fast-paced exchanges between Wayne, Dary, Dan, and their rowdy crew to the sly remarks of Katy, and the eccentric musings of the Skids, we explore the most iconic and clever Letterkenny quotes from Wayne and the guys that have left audiences in stitches.

Whether you’re a devoted fan or a curious newcomer, this article celebrates the brilliance of Letterkenny quotes. So, join us as we embark on a laughter-filled journey through the comical archives of this beloved series, where each line is a punchline and every conversation a masterclass in comedic timing.  By the end of this, you’ll have enough comebacks and retorts to leave your friends speechless.  So, “Pitter Patter, Let’s Get At Er!”

Classic Letterkenny Quotes

There are so many great Letterkenny quotes and sayings that it’s hard to know where to begin, so we’ll just jump right into some classics.

“How’re ya now? Good n you? Oh, not so bad.”  – A classic Canadian greeting.

“To be faaaaaair…”

“How we gonna f*ck this pig?” – translation – How are we going to get this done?

“Bad gas travels real fast in a small town.” – Bad gas = gossip.

“I’d go for a dart right now” – Dart = cigarette

“A little dab’ll do ya.”

“You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?” – Katy

“Sundays are for picking stones”

“Wonderous!” – Stuart

Letterkenny Insults

Shorsey from Letterkenny sitting at a bar with his back to us wearing a white shirt, making insults to people. Shorsey has the best Letterkenny quotes and chirps.

Some of the best Letterkenny quotes are in the form of insults or “chirps,” and the master of the chirp is Shorsey, the outspoken hockey player who never shows his face and got his own spin-off self-titled series called “Shorsey.”  Wayne can hold his own in the chirp department too, here are some of our favorites.

“Your life is so sad I get a charity tax credit just for hanging out with you” – Shorsey

“Your life is so pathetic I ran a 5k for it!” – Shorsey

“I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?” – Wayne

“Only 13-year-old girls can use the expression “it’s my birthday week” you Sally” – Gale to Riley

“Figure it out.” – Wayne

“Take about 20% off there Squirly Dan” – Wayne

“Wish you weren’t so f**king awkward bud.” – Wayne

“Get off the cross, we need the wood.” – Wayne

“In the words of the genre-bending Canadian indie rock band Arcade Fire, ‘wake up.’” – Wayne

“Give your balls a tug you t*t-f**ker” – Shorsey

“Sing us a song or something. Do a trick. You’re f**king useless.”

“You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” – Wayne

“Don’t bore us, Get to the chorus!” – Wayne – Hurry up and get to the point.

“It’s like algebra. Why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go f**k yourself?” – Wayne

“You put the dumb in wisdum.” – Katy

“Clueless is just my resting face.” – Jonsey

“It’s not entirely true you got catfished, but the girl had a forehead so big she could light a dart in the shower. ” – Dary

” Well, you sure catch a lot of heat for your farmers tan, but have you never seen a roofers tan, like holy f**k” – Wayne

Letterkenny Quotes About Love & Relationships

When it comes to love, few can put it so eloquently as Gail and the boys, now we’ll share some of our favorite “romantic” quotes and sayings.

“I’m a lover, not a fighter, but I’m also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.” – Wayne

“I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.” – Gail

“I heard he f**ked an ostrich… Allegedly” – Dan

“The closest you’re getting to any action this weekend is giving the dairy cows teats a good scrubbin” – Dary

“You want to give your sweetie the world, but all you can afford is Edmonton” – Dary

“I am willing to give 69 percent of my company to a partner, why 69 percent? Both sides benefit!” – Gail

“Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your as*, cowboy!” – Gail

“I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers.” – Wayne

“You’re pretty sweet on your new gal, but if she forgets to close the third door of your truck before the passenger door one more time, it’s f**kin over.” – Wayne

“I’m swiping on all four cylinders, I’m legendary REM front man, Michael Swipe.” – Riley

“You caught a whiff of a gal that smelled like campfire smokes, and that sh*t’s got ya stiff as a week‐old Slim Jim.” – Dan

“You and your sweetie aren’t Facebook official anymore, because she says she wants a man who will spoil her. Must’ve forgotten that hotel room in Niagara Falls with a f*cking heart-shaped hot tub in it.” – Dary

“They say that sex sells, but it must be sold out cause I can’t find a lick of it on Kijiji.” – Dary

“You’d f**k a catcher’s mitt at the moment was not the answer the dude at the sex shop was expecting when he asked you how you were doing. ” Dary

Letterkenny Quotes About Life

If everyone in the world lived their life with the same principles and work ethic that the Letterkenny characters do, the world would be a better place!  With their small-town community values and their willingness to help each other out when needed, you can always count on your neighbor to give you a hand.  Here are some of the best one-liners showcasing the Letterkenny community spirit and other quotes about life.

“When a friend asks for help, you help em” – Wayne

“More hands mean less work.”

“A smoke and a beer go together like a piss and a fart.” – Wayne

“If you’re not ten minutes early, you’re late.” – Wayne

“Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking crap from someone.” – Alexander

“Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.” – Wayne

“Nobody speaks Celine Dion’s name in a hostile tone!” – Jean-Carl

“And I suggest you let that one marinate.” – Wayne

“North Korea is threatening to drop some nukes, but what’s more concerning is Duck Dynasty’s becoming way too scripted.” – Dary

Can’t see a Caesar, and not want a Caesar” – Katy – Caesar is what Canadians call a bloody mary.

Letterkenny Hockey Quotes

The hockey coach from Letterkenny in the locker room giving a speech to the team and making a funny quote.

One of the staples of Canadian culture and Letterkenny is the beloved sport of hockey.  And here are some classic quotes and sayings that you should remember the next time you’re in the locker room to share with the boys.  If some of the Letterkenny hockey lingo sounds like a foreign language, check out our Letterkenny Hockey Terms Dictionary to clear things up.

“Wheel, snipe, celly boys!” – meaning – skate fast, score a goal with a nice shot, and celebrate.

“Dirty f**kin dangles boys!” – nice stick handling 

“Beer League hockey isn’t about hockey, Sure the w’s are nice, but it’s more about having beers with the boys before, during, and after the game.” – Coach

“You’re f**kin embarrassing!!” – Coach

“I have never been less embarrassed in all my life.” – Coach after they won the championship.

“Win this one Ferda” – Ferda means for the boys

“Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?” – Reilly

“We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” – Coach

“Shots from bad angles are still shots” – Riley

“Gotta want that W boys” – Jonesy

“Hang up the sweater, live for the sweater, respect the sweater” – Riley and Jonesy

“If you can’t carry your bag, you really shouldn’t be playing hockey” – Riley and Jonesy

“You don’t bring your sweetie to your beer league game” – Hockey Players

Wayne Quotes

A close up of Wayne from Letterkenny with a dog in his lap. Wayne has some of the best Letterkenny quotes.

Wayne is the toughest guy in Letterkenny and the leader of The Hicks and is often defined by his sharp tongue, his passion for defending his values, and being the best fighter in Letterkenny. Wayne’s quotes are a delightful blend of clever comebacks, insightful observations, and unabashed honesty, making him a fan-favorite character. Whether he’s delivering a blistering knockout or offering sage advice, Wayne’s words are filled with humor, authenticity, and a touch of wisdom.  Here are some of his best quotes.

“If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate.”

“I’m so fired up right now, I got sweat rollin’ down the small of my back and into my a*s crack… it’s emotional”


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“Your dog ripped a fart so thick you could hang an ax in the air after” 

“Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe. F**k, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a f**k about your kids.”

“There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.”

“Do you know what, I don’t want you to kiss and tell, that’s impolite…. but I am kind of curious.”

“Got any more of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it.”  – Electric lettuce = marijuana

“Ok Dary, Dary Ok.”

“I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation.”

“Not my pig, not my farm.” – Translation = Not my problem

“Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out.”

“Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the f**king windshield.”

To see more quotes from Wayne, check out our article about Wayne’s Words of Wisdom.

Dan Quotes

Squirley Dan is the laid-back and easygoing member of the Hicks, he has a very unique way of speakings as he adds the letter “s” to a lot of words that shouldn’t have an “s” at the end, but it seems to work for him. He brings a unique charm and comedic flair to the world of Letterkenny. With his signature beard and overalls, and affable personality, Dan serves as the resident jokester and is often found cracking one-liners that leave audiences in stitches. His quotes are a mix of lighthearted banter, sarcastic remarks, and cheeky innuendos. Dan’s quick wit and ability to find humor in any situation make him an integral part of the show’s comedic dynamic, and his memorable quotes add a touch of levity and laughter to the series. Here are some of Dan’s best quotes and sayings.

“Well Katy, that’s what I’s appreciates about yous.”

“Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!”

“If yous stands for nothings, yous falls for anythings.”

“Hey! He said simmers down, so simmers down! Why don’t you go eat some tartares ya snail-sucking mime lovers!!”

“You ever hoover schneef off a sleeping cow’s spine?” “I’ve hoovered schneef off an awake cow’s teet.” – Dan to Dary, snhneef = cocaine.

“I will submits that yous have been guilty of humbuggery, curmudgeonry, and dares I says it, poop-pantsery on more than ones occasion.”

“Good hygiene is the only jeans that never goes out of styles.”

Katy Quotes

Katy is Wayne’s sister, she’s a strong and independent woman who brings a fierce and sassy energy to Letterkenny. Her quotes are a combination of razor-sharp wit, playful banter, and unabashed confidence. Katy’s sharp tongue and fearless attitude make her a force to be reckoned with, and her one-liners often leave Letterkenny audiences both impressed and amused. Whether she’s dishing out scathing remarks or delivering sassy comebacks, Katy’s quotes showcase her unique charm and add a layer of boldness to the show’s quotable dialogue.  Here are some of her best quotes.

“Not my forte” – her response when asked to dress more appropriately.

“That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.”

“On a scale from one to America, how free are you right now?”

“If you were a Dr. Seuss book, you’d be The Fat in the Hat.”

“You don’t f**k with tradition.”

Dary Quotes

Daryl from Letterkenny eating yogurt at the kitchen table. Dary has some of the best Letterkenny quotes.

Last but not least is the lovable and innocent Daryl, or Dary for short. Known for his earnest nature and unwavering loyalty to his friends, Dary symbolizes the essence of the Letterkenny community.  His quotes often reflect his good-natured personality, showcasing his sincere desire to maintain harmony and support those around him. Daryl’s sayings often elicit a chuckle or a warm smile, as his unique perspective and gentle humor add a touch of heart to Letterkenny’s comedic landscape.

“The less you say now, the less you have to apologize for later.”

“How would you batch in space?” – Batch = masturbate

“Don’t sneeze while you’re taking a piss.”

“The boss is always a di*k till you meet a new one.”

“You p*ss outside more than the dog does.”

“You drove the ridin mower sh*t-faced, and now you got a corn maze.”

“If she’s got three or more colors in her hair, she’s offended by everything.”

Final Thoughts on Letterkenny Quotes

As you can see, Letterkenny is full of memorable and hilarious quotes.  The show’s beloved characters each bring their own unique flavor to the series, contributing to the wealth of iconic quotes and sayings that have become fan favorites. From Wayne’s views on life and wisdom to Dan’s good-natured charm, Gail’s perverted mind, and Katy’s fiery retorts, Letterkenny has something for everyone.

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